When you wonder, if you are enough?

I am linking up for Five Minute Friday.  The FMF is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Today’s prompt is “enough.”

A paper sat in front of me, if you looked closely you could see it was almost worn thin from erasing the problem over and over again.  Eyes weary from lack of sleep and burning from the unshed tears of frustration.  Sitting in algebra class, I raised my trembling hand.  No one else dared to ask the teacher how to solve the complex word problem.  Bravely I asked the question, “how do you do this problem?”  “Show me your work”, was the harsh reply.  Before I could explain on why I had erased what I had written several times, the teacher loomed over my desk.  All he saw was a blank page, he could not see how I had struggled for five hours over my homework.    Sneeringly, he looked at me and said, “Miss Moorhead, you really are stupid.”  You could hear the gasps from the students around the room.

Hanging my head in shame, I knew better than to try and explain myself. At that moment, I promised myself I would never again ask him for help.  My mind wandered back to the beginning of the year when I found myself placed in the higher level algebra class, I knew it had to be wrong.  Phone calls and school visits, fell on deaf ears with the school administration.  Slowly, my head raised up and I saw the sympathetic glances from classmates. Hot tears welled up and somehow I managed not to cry.  I felt like an idiot and a fool for even trying.

Sitting in the high school guidance counselors office, I sat with my hand folded on my lap.  The counselor look at me and said, “Miss Moorhead, you are not college material.” I knew I had struggled in some classes, but this was hard to accept.  He assured me I could make it in a vocational school.  The meeting lasted all of five minutes but it was long enough to drive home the point, I was not smart enough.  He didn’t offer any solutions and all I wanted was to do was escape.

My senior year of high school I decided I wanted to join the Air Force.  Having gone through all the paperwork, I was waiting for the phone call  to let me know it was time for the physical exam.  The phone rang one evening and it was the recruiter.  He said, “I have been meaning to ask you this question, do you have any lung ailments?” Anxiously, I told him I had asthma but that it was under control.  The recruiter stopped me and said, “I am very sorry Michelle but we cannot accept you.”

All I could think was that I wasn’t enough.  I cried off and on for a couple of days, not knowing what I was going to do with my life.  Finally, one day my Dad and Mom came into my room.  Sitting down on my bed next to me, my Dad said, “it is time to stop crying.  Your Mom and I believe in you.  We don’t agree with what the high school guidance counselor told you, we think you are smart enough to do whatever you set your mind too.  We know God will be with you and help you with whatever you decide to study.  We want you to go to the community college for one year.  God has a special plan for you and we are not going to let you listen to teachers and high school guidance counselors who don’t know you.”  I felt a spark of hope ignite in my heart.

I loved college and I discovered that I enjoyed learning.  My grade point average soared and I earned special recognition.  I graduated from college and my parents were there to cheer me on!

When the world whispers wile words, and tries to whitewash you into thinking you are not enough.  Stop! Remember!  You’re God’s Child! Listen to what God says about you.  “I have called by name.  You are mine.  You are precious in my sight.”  Isaiah 43: 1a,4a









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